Most people worry about giving compliments. Almost nobody thinks about receiving them.

That's a mistake. Research by psychologists Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley found that people often hold back compliments because they expect the moment to feel awkward. So when you make it awkward, you confirm their fear. They quietly decide not to bother next time.

A compliment is a small gift. How you take it tells the giver whether giving it was a good idea.

Here are five common ways people fumble that moment, and what to do instead.

1. You Argue With It

"Great presentation!" "Ugh, no, I totally messed up the middle part."

You think you're being humble. But you just told them they're wrong. Their taste, their judgment, their kind words, all rejected in one sentence.

Nobody likes being corrected about their own opinion.

Do this instead: Agree with their right to think it. Say "Thank you, that means a lot." You don't have to believe it. You just have to let them believe it.

2. You Throw It Back Too Fast

"I love your jacket." "Oh, I love yours too!"

This feels polite. It's actually a reflex, and people can tell. An instant return compliment sounds like you're paying off a debt so you can move on.

Worse, it pulls the spotlight away before the moment can land.

Do this instead: Let the compliment breathe. Say thanks, pause, and stay with it for a beat. If you want to praise them back, wait a few minutes and make it specific. A delayed, real compliment beats an instant echo every time.

3. You Give Away All the Credit

"This dinner is amazing." "Oh, it's just a recipe I found online."

Handing credit to luck, a recipe, or your team can sound modest. But it often reads as "don't look at me." The other person wanted to appreciate you, and you sent them somewhere else.

Sharing credit is good. Deleting yourself is not.

Do this instead: Keep your share, then add others. "Thanks! I tried something new with the sauce. My sister gave me the idea." You accept it and stay generous.

4. You Make a Joke to Escape

"You look really good today." "What, usually I look like a swamp creature?"

Humor is a classic escape hatch. When praise makes us uncomfortable, we crack a joke to get out of the spotlight.

The problem? The person was being sincere. Now they're stuck either laughing awkwardly or reassuring you. You turned their kind moment into a task.

Do this instead: Answer sincerity with sincerity first. "Thank you, I needed that today." If you still want to be funny, add the joke after. Kindness first, comedy second.

5. You Over-Explain

"Your garden looks beautiful." "Thanks, well, it took forever, and half the tomatoes died, and the soil here is terrible, and honestly the neighbor's is better..."

Nervous people fill space. A two-second compliment becomes a two-minute speech. Somewhere in there, you talked yourself down and buried their kindness.

Long answers also make the giver feel like they started something they now have to sit through.

Do this instead: Keep it short, then hand them a door. "Thanks! It's been a fun project. Do you garden?" Now the compliment has turned into a real conversation, and they got to be part of it.

Why This Matters More Than You Think

Every compliment is a tiny test. The giver is asking, "Is it safe to be kind to you?"

If you argue, deflect, joke, or ramble, the answer they hear is "Not really." Over time, people stop offering praise, not because you don't deserve it, but because giving it feels like work.

If you take it warmly, the answer is "Yes." People feel good about themselves for saying it. And people remember who makes them feel good.

The Simple Formula

You only need three parts:

  • Thank: "Thank you."
  • Feel: "That made my day" or "That means a lot."
  • Optional door: a short question or detail that keeps the chat going.

That's it. No defense. No speech. No escape.

Your Takeaway

The next time someone compliments you, say "Thank you, that means a lot" and then stop talking for two full seconds. That pause will feel strange. Do it anyway. It's the moment their kindness actually lands.